Liar, Liar

Looks like we are all just a bunch of Mommy Liars! Well, if the new survey by British mums-site, Netmums, is to be believed.

"Many mothers are under so much pressure to appear like perfect parents that they cover up how much television their children watch or what they cook their families", according to a survey.

Hm. That strikes me as rather sad reading, I must admit. Now; don't get me wrong, I think we are all prone to the odd white lie, and I am not saying you should never tell a little fib. Sometimes they can be a lifesaver. What is sad, I think, is how the survey stated that is was not so much celebrities or mothers-in-law that made women feel they needed to lie about aspects of their family lives, it was other mums. The parenting site said mothers often made each other feel "inadequate".

Now; where is the girl power in that?! Should we not back each other up? Be a support network? And be kind? Being a mum is the hardest - and most important - job in the world, and at times we all feel like we are not measuring up, like there are never enough hours in the day. But I am certain that it is like that for EVERYONE. Everywhere.

"Mums need to be more honest with each other," said Netmums' Siobhan Freegard. You said it, sister.

The website is calling for a more honest approach to family life and an end to the guilty subterfuge of mothers who feel unable to achieve an idealised view of parenthood. Almost two-thirds of those surveyed said they had been less than honest with other mothers about how well they were coping and almost half covered up financial worries. And almost a quarter of mothers admitted to downplaying how much television their children actually watched - and one in five "span a yarn" over how long they played with their children.
Ms Freegard, co-founder of the site, said there had been another example of a mother who was exhausted and went back to bed during the day, but explained her failure to answer the phone as being because her hands had been covered in flour while making cookies.

It makes me wonder how this all came about, really. Was it always like this, that women take motherhood to a competitive level, a "lets-see-whose-life-is-more-perfect" type of unspoken-of contest. Is it media? All those celebrities that make having a whole brood of babies seem like a, well, walk in the park. Like one of those "don't worry, I'm just gonna skip of to walk the red carpet and look a million dollars, but I leave early because I'm going to make organic homemade rye cookies with my rainbow family before I tuck all twelve of them into bed" type of of mamas (did you get my little unsubtle hint, Ms. Jolie-Pitt?!) Or all the cupcake baking Charlotte's of this world, making the rest of us feel guilty when we sometimes have to serve up fish fingers just because there is not enough hours in the day to lovingly stir the homemade organic risotto?!

Like one women in the survey stated: "It's just very difficult to put your hands up and admit that you parent differently to your friends." What happened to embracing our differences? Or trying to inspire each other instead of passing judgement.


Kudos to Netmums, though, as the website is launching what it calls The Real Parenting Revolution, which encourages parents to accept the reality of how they live, rather than feeling bad about not living up to a myth of perfection. "It's the imperfections that make us human," Ms Freegard said.


Parenting expert and sociologist Frank Furedi said that parents were under "profound pressures" from society. He said that a culture of parenting "incites parents to lie and to turn child-rearing into a performance." He added that even with the best intentions, reports such as these increased the pressure on parents: "Parents are always being judged in one way or another - including by this report. The real solution is to lay off parents and publish less reports."

While Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos, also interviewed about the findings in the survey, said that it was common for people to feel that they were being judged in a variety situations. She advised parents to avoid comparing themselves with others. "You're in competition with no-one but yourself - all you can do is the best for you and your kid."

Here's to mummies all over, for being the best mum they can be, and for supporting and encouraging other mums in doing the exact same thing!