Tuesday, March 29, 2011
You Know You Have Children When...
1. ... you utter weird sentences like "Don't dip your sisters hair in the strawberry jam and lick it off!"
2. ... you openly discuss poop and color and consistency at the dinner table. And is mystified by the fact that others think it's gross.
3. ... you feel the need to inform 378 Facebook friends about your little bundle's new tooth. Guilty as charged!
4. ... you have no problem giving random strangers a bloody and detailed desription of your labor...
5. ... you hear yourself telling new mums that time just flies by too quickly - even though you vividly remember being annoyed by those very words only a few months back.
6. ... you now fantazise about sleep where before it was sex.
7. ... you consider sleeping til 7 AM a luxury.
8. ... you find yourself worshipping at the altar of caffeine.
9. ... you realize that you are capable of showering, getting dressed and made-up in less than 7,5 minutes.
12. ... you feel like you are missing a limb when you are out on your own with no pram and no baby.
13. ... you praise your newfound liberty when baby can hold his own bottle so you get a chance to empty the washing machine.
14. ... your shopping trips now generate more for baby and less for yourself.
15. ... your filled with gratitude when kind souls bring toys that make no noise and requre no batteries.
16. ... you find yourself googling "rash" and "red bumps" and "signs of meningites" at 3 AM...
17. ... you wipe your childs snotty nose on the sleeve of your very expensive coat - without even cringing.
18. ... find yourself rocking the shopping trolley while queing up to pay in Tesco.
19. ... sharing your bed with toddlers and plastic animals and a flashing Disney sword feels like the most natural thing in the world.
20. ... you open your fridge and find a shoe size 23....
21. ... is amazed at how much you can get done before 8 AM on a Sunday morning. 3 cups of coffee, 2 machines of washing, 1 accidental pool of pee on the floor wiped up and a loaf of bread baking away in the oven.
22. ... you can change a nappy in the dark. At the speed of light.
23. ... you find yourself humming along and doing the moves to all the shows on CBeebies. Zingzillas, Maca Paca; you know them all.
24. ... you find yourself sifting through 4000something pictures on your computer - not one of them not containing your little pride and joy.
25. ... you have an afternoon off and seriously wonder what to do. What the hell DID you do before you had a baby?!
Nodding in recognition? You most definitively have kids!